Scared Out Of My Mind
by Midnight Sapphire Eyes
Summary: It's a regular day at the caves, Ian is the happiest he could ever just by having Wanda by his side. But just one incident can change the way you look at life when you imagine the sole of your existence gone.


**Scared Out Of My Mind**

**A/N: **Hey guys. Thanks to everyone who read my last story. That was my first attempt to write a fan fiction and I have to admit, I liked the response. So here's my second story, it's a one-shot but I hope it's long enough. And by the way, it's in Ian's Point Of View.

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**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host. This is for entertainment purposes only. **_______________________________________________________________________

I could tell it was dawn out because the first rays of sunshine were creeping its way through the cracks through my cave – no, our cave; mine and Wanda's.

I turned over to the angel that was sleeping soundly beside me. A beautiful smile played on her plump face – she was always smiling these days - her golden hair fanned out around her and a slight blush that hardly left her face. And the best thing was that was with me, that she _wanted_ to be with me.

I gently rolled closer to her, erasing any space that was left between us, and encased her in my arms. She visibly relaxed in my arms and it looked like that the beautiful smile that was forever on her face had gotten bigger.

The feel of her in my arms was hard to describe in words. It was like her body was meant for me and only me. She fit perfectly, melded together, letting no possible space to separate us.

Not a while ago I was wishing that I could hold Wanda like this, in my arms, well protected and not have Melanie yell at her. But the complications of the relationship was just so hard, two minds one body, both loving somebody else.

Now look, everything worked out fine, it all worked out and I couldn't have been happier.

I let a sigh escape my lips as Wanda snuggled closer to me. I continued to look at her peaceful sleeping form as the light outside the caves grew brighter; signaling the start of a new day, the start of a new day with _my Wanda_ by my side.

My Wanderer slowly started to wake from her peaceful slumber. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and when she refocused her eyes on me, she noticed me staring at her and the blush that I loved so much started to creep on her cheeks, leaving her glowing. How could this wonderful creature belong to me left me speechless. I nowhere near deserved her.

"Good morning Wanda," I said.

"Good morning to you too Ian," Wanda replied, looking away, embarrassed under my gaze.

I bent my head down to her level so I could whisper in her ear. I said, "Wanderer, you look so beautiful."

My statement caused Wanda to blush again and she buried her head in my chest and said a muffled 'thank you'. Her lips moving against my chest made the electricity flow through me, changing everything in its path. Only Wanda could do that to me.

I tightened my hold on her not wanting her to let go. All too soon, she would be working somewhere else in the caves, doing something light weight in order not to hurt herself – her body was fragile and breakable – and I would be working in the fields, planting or irrigating. Either way, I would be away from my Wanderer and it hurt just to think about it.

I may be away from her for a little while, but that little while was too long of a separation for me. Now that I had Wanda, I refused any separation to come between us.

Wanda heard me sigh and looked up at me with those silver eyes that were full of love and concern for me. _My Wanderer._ She put everyone else before herself and that was one of the reasons I fell in love with her; she was so selfless.

"Ian, are you okay?" Wanda asked me, while she placed her too small hand on my rough cheek.

I automatically leaned into it and I saw the radiant smile break out on Wanda's face.

"I'm fine. It's just though that it's almost time to go eat breakfast and then we have to go work, and I won't see you until meal times. I don't like being away from you." I confessed.

"Oh Ian." Wanda sighed. "I don't like being away from you either, but you guys always give me work that keep me away from you."

I nodded at the fact. I wouldn't allow Wanda work in the fields; it would be too hard for her frail body to manage; no matter how bad I wanted to be with Wanda, it was her safety first, always.

"So I was thinking, why don't I work with you guys today?" Wanda said so quietly that I had to strain my ears to hear what she had just said.

Her question made me shake my head immediately and my action brought a small pout on Wanda's lips. I couldn't have her work in the fields; it was too hard and very tiring. She would be sore and in pain and I did not want her to experience any of that.

"Please Ian." Wanda pleaded as she pouted again. By that point, I couldn't ignore her, I would give everything that Wanda wanted without thinking about it; no hesitation.

"Fine," and I saw the triumphant smile spread across her face, "but," and her smile disappeared as she realized that I was going to give her working conditions, "you will stop immediately if you get tired. You won't over exert yourself and if I get the slightest hint that you are in pain or you are tired, than you are going to take the rest of the day off. No questions asked. Ok?" I said, waiting for her reaction.

I saw her analyzing what I just said and a smile spread across my lips as she nodded her head in agreement to my terms. Seeing her happy made me smile. I loved that I could give Wanda the happiness that she deserved.

Just then we heard Jeb yelling down the hall, trying to get everyone to wake up. "Get Up yer lazy butts. We got a lot of work to do today!"

Wanda giggled at the crazy old man, and her giggle made me laugh. She was just so cute.

"I guess that's our cue to get out of our room." Wanda said, getting herself out of our embrace.

"I guess so," I said, already missing the warmth of Wanda and the feel of her in my arms.

By the time I got up, Wanda was dressed and ready to go. She tugged on my arm impatiently, trying to get me to move faster. I smiled at her impatience.

"Isn't someone a little excited today?" I said, mocking her expression.

"Of course I am. I finally get to work in the fields with you again, this day couldn't get better. Now let's go. We're probably the only ones left to leave our room." Wanda complained; in order to prove her point, Wanda tugged on my arm – for emphasis.

Just then I thought of an idea, I quickly bent down and jerked the legs off the floor while I caught her shoulders before they hit the floor. This caused me to hear a shriek from Wanda but that just made me laugh.

She began to punch me in the shoulder to let her down, but her touch was like a feather, you could hardly feel it. But I could see the smile that played on her lips that she enjoyed being in my arms just as much as I enjoyed having her in my arms.

We entered to a pretty empty mess hall. I guess everyone was just too lazy to wake up this early in the morning. However, the people that were in the mess hall gave Wanda and I amused glances, and among those people were Jared and my idiot of a brother Kyle, who had Sunny attached to his side – like always.

I could feel the heat radiating off of Wanda, she must have noticed the way people were looking at us. She never liked to be the centre of attention.

I very carefully set her down at the counters that our group – Melanie, Jared, Kyle, Sunny and Jamie – were currently situated and left to get Wanda and myself some breakfast.

As I returned, I saw a very red Wanda being interrogated by Jared and Kyle. I knew that they would think of something to say with the way we arrived in the mess hall.

I quickly sat down and pulled Wanda to my side who buried her face in my chest for the second time this morning.

"Well Ian, what an entrance you two made, what did you guys do?" Kyle asked slyly.

"Nothing that concerns you Kyle, Wanda was getting impatient with me for taking so long to get up, so I just carried her here so I could speed up the process of getting here." I explained. I know that made no sense what so ever but it made to come out of 'hiding' and smile her thanks to me. Who knew what they were saying to her.

"Anyway, we were thinking of having a football game later, Kyle's been itching to play." Jared said, "Are you two game?"

I looked over at Wanda, and saw the excitement there in her eyes, she loved to play games in the caves, I couldn't deny that amount of happiness. So I said, "Of course. I wouldn't mind beating Kyle again."

Kyle scowled in my direction clearly remembering the last time we played football. It wasn't good; we beat his team by a landslide.

Kyle's reaction caused Wanda to giggle making everyone else join her. Wanda had such a buoyant personality; she lit up a room wherever she went.

"What's so funny?" Kyle asked. Kyle could be so out of it sometimes.

"Nothing," everyone said at once confusing Kyle once more.

Nevertheless, Kyle began eating, well more like shoveling the food down his throat. It made everyone realize that they were hungry as well.

I quickly began to eat my two servings of oatmeal and stale rolls. It was time we went on another raid, I really was getting sick of the same food everyday.

"Well, I guess it's time to get to work. Got a lot ahead of us. Great." Melanie said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Everyone but Jamie headed off to the fields to start irrigating the plants, but stopped dead in their tracks when they noticed that Wanda was coming as well.

"Wanda, what are you doing? Aren't you working in the kitchens?" Melanie asked. She cared about Wanda just as much as I did. She too didn't want Wanda to do hard labour knowing how fragile and breakable she was.

"I'm coming to work in the fields with you guys. I thought it would be a nice change." Wanda replied, grabbing on to my hand.

"But Wanda," Melanie began but Wanda cut her off.

"Please Mel. I know I can work in the fields. Anyway, I made an agreement with Ian this morning that was the only way he was going to let me work with you guys today." Wanda explained.

"Fine," Melanie huffed.

We went to the fields that needed to be irrigated and gathered our tools. It was Wanda, Mel, Jared and me that worked together today. It was nice to work with Wanda again; I liked having her by me. I tried giving her the easiest part of the job but she glared so hard that even Kyle would do anything she wanted.

As we worked, I kept checking back to see if Wanda was ok. Every time I looked back at her, she rolled her eyes at my over protectiveness. But how could not be over protective of her? She was so fragile, so breakable, and so delicate; we didn't want anything to harm her.

As I looked back once more at Wanda, panic rose within me. The very sight of Wanda looking so vulnerable had me running across the field and towards as fast as I could. But it wasn't fast enough.

By the time I reached her, her eyes had glazed over and she lost consciousness and fell to the ground. However, I managed to get a hold of her before any real, painful damage was done.

"Wanda!" I screamed.

My scream had everyone focus their attention on me and the delicate girl in my arms. Immediately I heard Melanie yelling frantically as to what happened. But I didn't have time to answer her questions; I quickly picked up my Wanderer in my arms and ran to the hospital.

I arrived at the hospital breathless and my state alerted doc – who was reading a medical book. He instantly came to my side and began to check Wanda.

I lay her down on the cot and held her hand. I couldn't get the image of Wanda before she fainted out of my mind. I did not want to remember her that way - Wanda swaying, eyes glazing over, her rubbing her temples. No, the Wanda I would always remember would be of a smiling Wanda, with a blush creeping on her cheeks, her glowing and her silver eyes shining with contentment. Not this way.

I couldn't imagine being without Wanda, it hurt just to be separated from her for a couple of minutes.

A more aggressive emotion came upon me and the next words that left my mouth were a growl.

"Wanda, wake up! You are not leaving me. You are promised me a future, you promised that you would be with me forever! You can't leave me!" And the next thing I knew, tears were flowing down my cheeks like a large river. They were falling down my cheeks so fast that even if I did wipe them away, others would replace them just as quickly.

"Ian," I felt Doc lay a hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off. I didn't need comfort. All I wanted was for Wanda to wake up. To be up and about, smiling, blushing, anything but the way she lay defenseless as she did now.

"Ian," Doc said again.

"What," I said, it sounded harsh but I didn't care at the moment.

"Here, spray this in front of her face, she should wake up. I mean, it does say 'Awake'." Doc's attempt at humour now did not work at all.

I quickly snatched the awake and sprayed it in front of her face until I saw her inhale the mist. I felt relief wash over as Wanda's eyes began to flutter and hands began to twitch; unconsciously holding onto mine tighter. But I could care less. Wanda was waking up and that's all that mattered.

"Ian?" Wanda asked, her voice was so hoarse that it cracked.

"I'm right here honey. Please open your eyes." I pleaded.

One by one, Wanda opened her eyes and I let out the breath that I didn't know that I was holding. Wanda took one of her hands out that I held and laid it against my cheek. I immediately relaxed at her touch. Seeing the triumphant smile on her face, that was what she intended to do.

Wanda then began to wipe away the tears that had lingered on my already tear stained cheek. How could she be comforting _me_ when _she _had fainted! I should have never let her persuade me to allow her to work in the fields, I didn't care that I didn't have her near me, her well being was more important.

"Wanda, what happened? Are you okay? Do you feel wrong?" I asked frantically.

"Ian," she said, "Ian, I'm okay now. I don't know what happened. I just felt the temperature in the room get higher by the minute and then I started to see black spots and I felt dizzy. I tried to get rid of the dizziness by rubbing my temples but it didn't work and then everything went blank." Wanda finished.

By the time she finished, I had picked her up and placed her on my lap. This one experience had scared me out of my mind. I needed to feel that she was well, that she was safe. And Wanda didn't protest. She knew how worried I was, she just stayed in my lap, all cuddled into me, holding onto me tight.

"I'm sorry Ian," Wanda said almost inaudibly.

Sorry? Why was Wanda apologizing? In fact, I should be the one to apologize. I should have taken better care of her.

Wanda knew by the look on my face that I was going to contradict her but she silenced me with one look. I let her explain why she felt the need to apologize when it should be the other way around.

"Ian, I know that you might be wondering why I needed to apologize." I nodded my head and waited for her to continue. "Ian, if it weren't for my insistence that I work with you in the fields, this whole incident wouldn't have happened. I'm not saying that I regret working in the field today because I felt really good, it made me happy. But I won't work in the fields again if it makes you that unhappy. I never want to see the look of pain on your face again if I can help it Ian. Never again."

As she finished, I noticed that there were tears beginning to form in her eyes. I kissed the one tear away that had escaped. I would do anything to make her feel better. She cared so much about me. She was ready to quit doing something that she liked just so that I would be worry free, happy. I still couldn't fathom how this incredible person – _soul – _with me.

"Wanda," I said, taking her face in my hands, "you don't know how much it scared me to see you like that. I thought I was going to lose you. I never want to go through that again. But," I said, taking an unneeded breath, "if it makes you happy, you can work in the fields. However, let's take it slow. Bit by bit. Let's get your body used the labour. Can you do that for me?" I finished.

I knew without a doubt that she would agree. She knew how worried I was and she would do anything in her power so I could be happy. She nodded her head in agreement to my terms once again – like she had this morning.

Just then Melanie and Jamie came bursting through the hospital doorway and were coming straight towards Wanda. Melanie and Jamie pulled Wanda in a hug that couldn't look uncomfortable.

"Wanda! Are you okay! What happened?" Melanie all but screamed. You could see the unshed tears in Melanie's eyes. She worried about Wanda constantly, like they were sisters. It was a bond so deep that I couldn't understand it.

"Doc, what happened?" Jamie asked, while he took hold of Wanda's hand and held onto it like a vice. He really cared for her like a brother would and I knew that I wasn't the only one that was concerned about Wanda; she had a family here. A family that loved her until it hurt, but that didn't matter, as long as their loved ones were okay.

"Well," Doc began, "from the symptoms and what Wanda just told Ian, it looks like she had a heat stroke."

"Will she be okay?" I blurted.

"Yes Ian, she will be fine. All you need to do is keep her out of the heat for a while and keep her hydrated." I sighed in relief.

"Ian," Wanda said sheepishly while looking up at me.

"Yes Wanda," I replied, grinning.

"Well, could we go to the mess hall, I'm kind of hungry, Fainting really takes a lot out of you." Wanda said, blushing.

I couldn't help but laugh, it was so nice to hear her cheerful voice again.

"Of course," I said as I tightened my hold on her.

Melanie and Jamie gave Wanda's hand one more squeeze and told us that they would meet us in the mess hall and left.

As I was about to get up, I looked at Wanda once more and knew that as long as I had her by my side, everything was right in the world. As long as she was with me, I was the happiest man alive.

As I began to walk towards the mess hall – saying good bye to Doc and telling him that we would see him later – I felt Wanda snuggle into me more and I heard her whisper "I'll be with you forever Ian."

"Forever," I agreed, tightening my hold on her once more and placing a kiss atop her head.

We were going to be together, forever.

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A/N: So, how did you guys like it? Please review and let me know how I did!


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